Al-Qaeda's Secret Plan to Hijack the Internet

Okay. So I'm sure that all of you have heard the recent controversy over the decision to try accused terrorist and all-around shithead Khalid Sheikh Mohammed in an American court of law.

Well, the other day I was perusing an issue of the Economist (how erudite of me!) while Joelle was poking around the library. In this issue was a brief blip about this controversy and a picture of the subject. This picture:



Well, as I gazed upon the face of evil something seemed very familiar about it. I felt like I had seen it before in the course of my wanderings about the internet... And that's when it struck me! "O RLY?" I exclaimed, slapping my forehead as realization came through.



The ORLY Owl! I know they don't look similar at first glance, but to me the resemblance was uncanny. I downloaded the picture and ran it through some advanced imaging software (MS PAINT) on my mainframe (HP Desktop.) I was able to pull this image out of the digital code (or some other fancy sounding, CSI lingo):



"Unbelievable," I thought, "The terrorists have been able to corrupt something as American as Apple Pie- our crazy internet fads!!!" What could fall next before the crafty hands of these devilish deviants? And then I realized the answer was right in front of me... the American Justice System!

Somehow these fanatical freaks have found a way to make us doubt the very code of justice that purports to be the blind adjudicator of good and evil in our society. Everyday we hear talking heads warning us of the perils of trying a murderous piece of garbage in an American Court of Law. How silly we've been became crystal clear as conservative pundits explained the facts to me. How can we reasonably expect our judicial system to give a fair trial to this monster? How can we feel safe when our inadequate prison system is housing this cave-dwelling maniac?

Okay, I have to switch gears... some vitriol spilled on my keyboard as I was typing the above. The shakes of it is that we, as a free Democratic society, have an established legal system. Does it have flaws? You're damn skippy it does. However, it is our system and it is as fair and impartial as anything run by imperfect people can be. I think that we should cherish the idea of taking this evil person and showing that American Justice can be swift and severe.

Does part of me wish that we could just find him immediately guilty by public acclaim and then allow the mob to render him to pieces? YES!!! But that rage-filled part of me is an animal that is not much better than the scum at which my rage is directed.

I think an important part of post-9/11 America has not just been the fight to secure our borders and debilitate our foreign enemies, but also the fight to not lose what makes us the beacon of freedom in the world. Someone told me that, by giving this filth a public, fair trial, we're going to show the world that we are weak. I disagree. I think it shows the world that we are better than those that wish to do us harm. That we can respect human life, even when it doesn't deserve it. Will a few embarrassing facts about how this scum was treated come out in the trial? Yes, they probably will. But we atone for those entirely understandable tactics by, in the end, giving Khalid Sheikh Mohammed the fair trial that he hasn't earned, and the swift and painless death that he denied his victims. We're America, goddammit. We're better than this.

And as for the terrorist plot for the internet.. be careful. I've heard that they already have plans for the LolCats.

If anyone is listening...

If anyone is still around for these, I have what I believe will be a good one in a few days. If you're reading this, thanks for sticking around.

All Sales Final

So after a lengthy text message discussion with a friend this morning (that started about politics but ended in guns, as any conversation between cops should) I saw this at the local 7-11 and thought that it summed everything up perfectly.

It seems that the shiny veneer has worn off of our new toy (or the blueing off of our pistol, if you will) and Obama fever has ended amongst the fervent. Hell, even the birth certificate/secret Muslim conspiracy theorists have moved on to issue-based crusades.

So now that the new car smell has worn off, what are we left with? A president, and not that bad of one. Sure he's no FDR or Reagan, but he seems to have a solid head on his shoulders and the country seems to be moving forward.

Am I disappointed that many of the Obama campaign promises haven't been met? Sure I am, but I'm not surprised. He's a politician, not a magician and not a rockstar. If McCain had won I'm sure that right about now Conservatives would be feeling about the same as current Liberals are. Except for Glenn Beck... He might not have had a nervous breakdown.

Do I regret voting for Obama? Not in the least. I never thouht that he was going to be the nation's, or the party's, savior. I do find it ridiculous that, as the honeymoon phase reaches its sunset, conservative talking heads are claiming that it's the death knell of the liberal movement. Every president goes through this...

Anyway, I thought it was a really funny sign.

Feline/Culinary Disaster

You can see why it was no surpirse when I accidentally spilled chili on the cat.

Fortunately we Scotch-Guarded him when we first got him.

The Gruesome Twosome

The dogs at work. They will not stop until one has a concussion or furniture breaks.

P.S.

A bit of a misnomer because Google will place this above the last post, but I forgot that I wanted to add one thing.

A week or two ago we were dispatched to a domestic violence where the boyfriend had thrown a bottle of mustard at the complainant. Though I found it appropriate to joke that he may have just mistaken her for a Ballpark Frank, a senior officer made the valid point that at least it hadn't been ketchup. Imagine being the first officer on the scene and seeing a woman covered in a red, bloody mess... You'd be screaming for an ambulance until her 4 year old daughter came up and dipped a french fry in it.

So It's Been Awhile, but Not That Long

The gap from my last post to this is a little over a month... that's not bad seeing as this "blog" has gone on over 6 month hiatuses (hiati?) in the past.

I don't know that I necessarily have anything of value to contribute today, every once in awhile I just feel the urge to write something... I wish I had the drive to actually be an active blogger on something interesting like politics. I enjoy the process and enjoy the end result, I just never seem to have the motivation to take on the Herculean task of planting my ass in a chair and pressing some buttons.

So the news I did just get, as minor as it may be, is that I will in fact be switching to the midnight shift in January... when it's cold. Though disappointed to be leaving the dayshift people that I have become friends with, I am positively delighted to be going to midnights. More fun happens on the Highway at night.... and I had 6 arrests in 4 days during the day!!!

Speaking of fun, while responding to a burglary in progress (at least what it was dispatched as, it turned out to be pretty much nothing) with lights and siren ablazin' I hit 100mph on Rt1. Now that's titillating! I did, however, almost catch my brakes on fire.... They were smokin' to beat the band (emphasis added to emphasize the old fashioned-ness) by the time I stopped at the perimeter.

Let's see here.... We got a new dog. He's pretty kickass. I added a second tie-out in the backyard today, though, and they have already managed to get stuck together three times. Entertaining for me, but not so fun for them.

Well that's about all I have for now. All my thoughts are with the families and victims of the slaying at Ft Hood. I hope that the media takes the high road and doesn't make the fact that the shooter was a Muslim the most important part of this. Of course I say this in a world where CNN Headline News (which I think is trying to replace E! News) and Fox News are still considered legitimate broadcast media so I'm not going to get my hopes up.

¡Pasta Luego!

From a Forum

Okay, so this is a copy of a post I put on a law enforcement forum that I frequent. There was an ongoing conversation about the "Obama Song" and I threw in my two cents.

[QUOTE=Driven;1994208]Whether it was mandated or not doesn't matter. The fact is if this crap was done with President Bush it'd be all over the news and people would be ****ed. This crap is brainwashing period. There is no way in the world a reasonable person can look at the stuff this guy is doing and not see scary socialist attitudes and brainwashing indoctrination. If we allow this man to stay in office for a second term I guarantee people will look back and wonder how our country went so far.[/QUOTE]

http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2006/04/17/out-of-the-mouths-of-babes/

And yes, I understand that this is not done in a school, but it shows a parallel in how kids can be wielded as political pawns by both sides of the aisle.

Furthermore, it's not like President Obama sent a coded message that this teacher was able to read in her alphabet soup directing her to have the children sing this song. This was something she did of her own volition. Was it wrong? Probably. Was it some evil plot by left wing extremists to turn children into liberal automatons? I don't think so.

Sometimes teachers bring their own ideas to the table when teaching children. Horrific, I know, but that's the way it is. And it isn't always bad. If some teachers didn't push the envelope, the Scopes trial would have never happened. (Now I know some of you will say that the teaching of theories other than divine creation is bad, but hey: we're not going to agree on everything.)

Even as a "dirty liberal" and Obama supporter, I think the song was ill conceived and shouldn't have been done. But we can't pretend that our children live and learn in a political vaccuum. Give them a little credit for at least knowing who the president is! And if their parents disagree with what they learn in school, then it is their RIGHT to explain to their children why. As with all things, if children learn everything from school and nothing from their parents then everyone loses.

Are there people out there that act like Obama is the second coming? Absolutely. Are there people out there that still swear that he is an illegal alien and that this was a huge plot to get a foreign born, secret Muslim terrorist extremist into the White House? Yup. As cops and cop flunkies, we should be able to recognize that just because there's a guy standing on the curb holding a sign warning of impending apocalypse doesn't mean that we should give away all of our worldly possessions, put duct tape on the windows and tinfoil on our heads, and hunker down for the rapture.

There are extremists everywhere... in politics, in faith, in making dogs wear stupid clothes. Remember that the vast majority of us, whether Obama supporters or detractors, still recognize that he is an elected [B]politician[/B], probably not much better than the other guy and absolutely going to make mistakes. All we can hope is that none of the mistakes that he makes will cause too many ripples in the waves of the future and that whatever good he does means something.

As for all of the nasty snarkiness going about on the forum, yes this is the internet and people shouldn't get their panties in a twist over others not agreeing with them. However, if we can't have an intelligent conversation without resorting to [I]ad hominem[/I] attacks, what the Hell is the point? If I wanted to stand around and throw insults back and forth I'd go back to the derelict on the corner with the sign. At least his taunts will be creative, if not a bit enigmatic. :D

Sarah Palin's Contribution to Literature

For those of you that are interested, I just "read" an early release of Sarah Palin's new book, Tracking Fun with Sarah and Mortimer!.

Tracking Fun with Sarah and Mortimer is a 26 page tour de force featuring Governor Palin and Mortimer the Moose. The book begins with Palin, decked out in couture hunting regalia, sighting in on Mortimer and firing. Unfortunately she misses Mortimer's lungs and, having only been wounded, he takes off into the forest. What follows is a Where's Waldo-esque series of increasingly amusing scenes where you must pick Mortimer out of a crowd. For example, after examing one scene, you'll find that it's actually Mortimer's adorable face hidden in the swadling blanket in Bristol's arms at a depiction of a Palin family reunion.

The book concludes when *SPOILER ALERT* you turn to the last page to find Mortimer splayed out alone on a field of pristine white snow having died of exsanguination.

Tracking Fun with Sarah and Mortimer will be available in time for Christmas orders.

James 'Jimmy Crack Claw' McClickers Strikes!

This just in. Former mafioso, now turned State's witness Ronny "Pups" Barker was killed last night.

According to sources within the poice department, Ronny was found with multiple claw marks, soaking in a pool of his own blood (or ketchup). An un-identified source within the PD listed James McClickers, aka Jimmy Crack Claw, as the prime suspect.

A witness at the scene of the crime stated that he heard somone say, "Now hush, puppy," around the time of the murder.

I know that was a long way to go for a fried food joke, but c'mon.

Holy Crap I'm Bored!!!

Unfortunately, it seems, crime goes way the Hell down around 3am on a weeknight. I'm sitting here, doin' absolutely nothing but playing with my... Phone. Sick fucks.

Anyway, the job is going well. I got into my first vehicle pursuit the other night. That was pretty cool, but it didn't last very long b/c the guy could help but crash head-on into a parked car at 45mph. He dislocated/fractured his hip. Turns out he was drunk and didn't think the going to jail just drunk was sufficient... He wanted to go bleeding!

Other than that things have been relatively quiet. I've gotten several DWI arrests. It's amazing how much paperwork that involves!

This weekend Joelle and I are heading to Williamsburg for our 2nd anniversary. That should be entertaining.

Anyway, that's all I have for now. What are you up to?

Is Anything New?

Not really. For some reason I remember my 6th grade teacher who would never let you say you were throwing something away, because "there is no away." Deep.

Things are going well here. I just switched to my secondary training officer and am now on Midnights. It's dark. It's also suprisingly boring. Criminals don't seem to do much at 3am. I guess it's because they're all in bed, resting up for that job interview in the morning! HA!!

I did make a friend the other night. This fellow shows up at Mt Vernon Hospital naked and not knowing how he got there. He claims that the last thing he remembered was taking a ride from someone he couldn't remember in a car he couldn't remember. He said he must have fallen asleep because he had a "beer or two," and they must have stripped him and taken him to the hospital. Anyone else's BS meter going off the charts?

Anyway, he's not drunk enough for jail, but he's causing issues at the hospital so they give him some scrubs and kick him out. We can't arrest him b/c, again, he's not drunk enough, and he wanders off into the sunrise.

The next night at about midnight I get a dispatch, "Scout 211A, start for a report of a man in scrubs trying the garage doors at the gas station." Needless to say, I didn't need all of my investigative skills to know who I was going over to meet.

We meet up with him and he's surly as ever. However, this time he's also drunk enough for lock-up. Hooray! I cuff him up and off we go. Well, as it turns out, he's an asshole. I have to listen to his mouth for the next two hours. Luckily, I am also an asshole. I actually had a lot of fun with this guy. The best part was when the Deputy asked him if he had any allergies. "Yeah," he responded, "I'm allergic to dumbass cops." I actually broke out laughing, then he did in spite of his rage. All in all, it was a good time.

Unfortunately he's going to have my job after his lawyer "sues you [me] in criminal court." So it appears that I'll be entering the job market soon... anyone have any openings? :)

We had our cookout the other day. That was a blast. Unfortunately, because it had rained for about 40 days (BIBLICAL REFERENCE!)* beforehand the lawn was still saturated. This didn't pose too much of a problem until we tried plaing Bocce. Then the balls were splashing about in the muck (PORNOGRAPHICAL REFERENCE!)* and were difficult to find because I had been unable to cut the grass.

All in all, though, I think everyone had a good time. Joelle and I are thinking about having another one on July 4th... Anyone interested?

Anyway, I've put off showering and actually getting going today for long enough. I'll catch you all (and arrest you if you're drunk :) ) later.

*Emphasis added for the dense of mind.

Vacation Update

Hola from Chincoteague! This is me in front of the Lighthouse of Assateague.

The vacation is going well, altough I have minor injury that's been slowing me down. The island is very cool, and today we went over to the Wildlife Refuge. We're about to head back to the refuge to head for the beach.

We havrn't really seen any horses yet, but tons of horse shit!

Anyway, I'll try to post more later this week!

Holy Crap I Have a Blog!!!!!

So I was just reading a friend's blog and was quite enjoying it. I thought, "Gee [yes, Gee], I sure wish there were some way that I could share my thoughts with people."

Then it struck me like an abusive spouse, I have a blog too!!!! I know, as always, I have to begin by apologizing for the length of time between posts, but that's just the shakes of it. Deal.

Things have been going well here. I actually hit the street at the beginning of the week. I swore out my first warrant, gave a warning ticket, spoke mucho español, and got complained on.

That's right. Two days on the job and I'm catching complaints. Luckily, it was hilarious as opposed to justified. A lady called and complaing that there were people hanging out in the kid's playground at her apartment complex being loud and keeping her up. So, being the public servanty types that we are, a few of us went down there. The primary officer found four 21-26 year olds hanging out and smoking pot. Drugs removed, summons issued, people dispersed.

Now you would think that this would be a fantastic solution to the person who originally called the police. That, however, was not the case. By the time we got back to the station she had called back and was demanding to speak to a supervisor because, when the police that she requested arrived, they were too loud while talking to the people in the playground and she could see the spotlight from her window.

Now you would think, maybe she was justified if those po-leece were yelling at the kids and fighting. Nope, we were having a relatively pleasant conversation. It was just done too loudly.

I guess what she was looking for was us to drive by and pepperspray the people from the car windows, causing them to run away without any form of conversation. I didn't even think to do that... no wonder I'm the rookie.

And don't even get me started on the guy WHO CALLED 911 TO COMPLAIN THAT THE ROAD CONSTUCTION OUTSIDE WAS KEEPING HIM AWAKE!!!!! I tried to get an arrest warrant for the commissioner of VDOT, but no dice. :)

Anyway, that's about the extent of the shennanigans so far. I get to start driving on Friday. Look out, pedestrians!!!!

Holy Crap

Okay, so I don't know how many of you remember this, but I used to keep a blog. It was a nice blog, until I forgot all about it and it became defunct. Well (hopefully) it's back.

With the Academy going on and what-not, posting on the internet has not really been an option. Over the past few months I've rarely sat down at the computer (I do most of my internetting from my cell phone.) Now yes, I know that I can update the blog from my cell phone, but give me a break. I've been really busy.

So here I am, making a second go at it. Status update:

The Academy is officially over tomorrow. 6 long, gruelling months are coming to a close. We are issued our badges and weapons and sworn in tomorrow, and our official, ceremonial graduation is on Monday. It's been a long, interesting, oftentimes hilarious road, but we're here.

For those of you that don't know, I did get my station assignment. I'll be working on Route 1, south of Alexandria, in the Mt. Vernon district. This was not my choice, as it's going to be a Hell of a commute for me. However, it's probably a good thing. MV is one of the busiest stations in the county and I'm going to learn a lot, fast.

Anyway, that's what's up here. Now that the Academy is over I'll make a concerted effort to begin updating this thing again.

¡Adiós for now!

What a Recipe!

My parents went to the Global Market on Sudley yesterday amd brought back this gem.

"Honey, stop slurping your soup!"

HA!